wednesday / 6:45 am

i'm beyond exhausted today. had all kinds of dreams last night, and all kinds of food at kat and angie's last night. hung out w christopher, made him feel at ease for being who he is without having come out to us. i feel like we are establishing ourselves with him and as a core group for all of us... a support network, if you will, for unconditional love, family support and a release from all of that guilt we've all been living with. 

it's hard writing this down because i make it seem like our family doesn't love us (immediate and otherwise) but the truth of the matter is, they love us so much they have suffocated us and forced us to conform into a life they want for us. 

but what i've realized is that it's not just my parents, or my cousins parents, but an entire generation altogether. and i wonder if it's a generational cultural divide, or if it's a part of the cycle of life... and unless the cycle is broken (with therapy and discussions like last night's) then it will continue to churn the pit of guilt and confined living. free will is lost.