it's thanksgiving. it's hard to roll out of bed. i'm wide awake but paul is holding me, and i can feel his breath on me and his body comforting mine. yesterday was even harder. i cried four times. couldn't get jude out of my mind, and thought about the what if's of excitement and holiday fun if he had survived. i now know what people mean when they say, the holidays are hard after losing someone. it just feels flat and like something is missing vv