tuesday / 7:34 am

yesterday was the hardest day by far. i wasn't scared about the physical procedure per se, but the psychological trauma of being back here so soon. i can't sleep, all night this IV machine has been beeping and nurses have been in and out every hour to check on it, take my stats, and give me pain medicine. paul's been by my side the entire time. and as much as i want to focus and write this right now, i'm physically exhausted and mentally drained. so this will have to do for now.

i can't stop thinking about the fact that they've killed the entire right artery to my uterus, and that my recoup time will be 6 to 12 months for my body to fully recover. and that i may not be able to bear children again. it's not definitive but it's most definitely closer to 50 / 50 chance of it never happening. with all of the science and medical advancements happening these days, when it comes down to it, the human body is still the most complicated and advanced system that we can never fully comprehend. and we're at it's mercy.