i cried it out last night. i realized i was fighting myself on a lot of things in my mind. so i decided to take the time last night and actually deal with things. allow myself to feel them, to let them free, and let them go. and when paul came up and we talked things through, there was one thing he said that really resonated with me:
"no matter what you decide to do you will always have regrets. because in the end, this is a decision based on sacrifice and it will ultimately change us and our lives. so no matter what you do, just decide and do it fully and to the best of who you are, because all we can do is live this life day by day, figure things out day by day... and in the end, we've always got each other."
we've always got each other... why have i been going at this as if I'm taking the world all by myself? why have i allowed loneliness to creep in? we work so well together, as a team. and in the end we (not i), we just have to make a decision that is going to give us the least amount of regret over our lives. and stick with it.
...because we can't relive the past, and we can't predict our future. we have no control over time and how things will be, but the only control we have is how much we love each other, and how we choose to live today over yesterday. and as long as we've got each other, well, we might not be model human beings, but we can only be the best "us" that we know how to be. and love, we know how to love deeply, madly, and unconditionally. and in the end, that's what's going down in the books. not the rest of those silly ideas and worries and fears in the backs of our heads.
we've always got each other.